Today's post is about a book written by Elle Wright following the death of her son, Teddy. It's both a biography of her experience with infant loss, but also a really well-written and useful book to help others understand what that loss may look like. I first found Elle (@feathering_the_empty_nest on Instagram) after listening to her story on Giovanna Fletcher's podcast, Happy Mum, Happy Baby. Her story immediately struck me, so I followed her on Instagram right away. Her Instagram isn't just a place for talks on loss, it's also a wonderful interiors account and also serves up some serious garden-envy when she begins planting in the spring and summer. 
When I first followed her, I'll admit it was half because she was a really good speaker and very eloquently described the loss of Teddy, but also because I was so curious what she must show on social media, and how had she found a balance of seemingly "normal" content alongside such a tale of loss. When her book released I had always intended to purchase it and it fell further down the "Books to Boy" note on my phone as I added more and more titles. And then I fell pregnant with my son, and found out that he was going to die, and out of sheer desperation I messaged Elle on Instagram, never expecting a reply, just sort of venting into an abyss of somebody who might understand how I was feeling. She replied. Not once, but three times. I was floored. Now I'm certainly not suggesting that everyone who experiences pregnancy or infant loss to flood her DM's, in fact she has since posted a few times stating that she is not an expert in the field, just a mother sharing her story and experience, but I really couldn't believe how lovely she was. Most importantly, when I told her about our son Jack, in her reply she said "thank you for sharing Jack with me." Seeing his name typed, hearing somebody acknowledge his life is exactly the thing I needed when it seemed like he was slipping away from everybody else and life was surely returning to normal.
Her book explains her personal experience with loss, and as the title would suggest, is all about how to treat those who have experienced pregnancy loss or the loss of a baby. It's almost a guide and something I would really recommend to those who know someone who has experienced this loss. It doesn't expect you to "put yourself into their shoes", but explains that you simply cannot unless you've done it yourself. Instead it shares ideas, stories of things people did that really helped, and other times where friends and family missed the mark in the time of grief. As someone who experienced loss myself I found it to really resonate with me, and I genuinely laughed and cried along with her sharing the experience of losing Teddy, perfectly showing me that my grief and moments of laughter and joking weren't at all strange, it was normal. As a reader who only knows one other mother who had lost a baby, I felt so closely connected to Elle's story, to Teddy's life, and as though somebody would understand how I am feeling.
When I first followed her, I'll admit it was half because she was a really good speaker and very eloquently described the loss of Teddy, but also because I was so curious what she must show on social media, and how had she found a balance of seemingly "normal" content alongside such a tale of loss. When her book released I had always intended to purchase it and it fell further down the "Books to Boy" note on my phone as I added more and more titles. And then I fell pregnant with my son, and found out that he was going to die, and out of sheer desperation I messaged Elle on Instagram, never expecting a reply, just sort of venting into an abyss of somebody who might understand how I was feeling. She replied. Not once, but three times. I was floored. Now I'm certainly not suggesting that everyone who experiences pregnancy or infant loss to flood her DM's, in fact she has since posted a few times stating that she is not an expert in the field, just a mother sharing her story and experience, but I really couldn't believe how lovely she was. Most importantly, when I told her about our son Jack, in her reply she said "thank you for sharing Jack with me." Seeing his name typed, hearing somebody acknowledge his life is exactly the thing I needed when it seemed like he was slipping away from everybody else and life was surely returning to normal.
Her book explains her personal experience with loss, and as the title would suggest, is all about how to treat those who have experienced pregnancy loss or the loss of a baby. It's almost a guide and something I would really recommend to those who know someone who has experienced this loss. It doesn't expect you to "put yourself into their shoes", but explains that you simply cannot unless you've done it yourself. Instead it shares ideas, stories of things people did that really helped, and other times where friends and family missed the mark in the time of grief. As someone who experienced loss myself I found it to really resonate with me, and I genuinely laughed and cried along with her sharing the experience of losing Teddy, perfectly showing me that my grief and moments of laughter and joking weren't at all strange, it was normal. As a reader who only knows one other mother who had lost a baby, I felt so closely connected to Elle's story, to Teddy's life, and as though somebody would understand how I am feeling.
It might not be a book for everyone, it truly depends on how you want to deal with grief (for example I asked if my husband wanted to read it, and he said absolutely not, as it wouldn't help him to process our loss) but I would really recommend following Elle's Instagram and blog, and it would give you a good idea of what to expect in the book and whether or not it would be beneficial to helping deal with your own loss, or to help understand the loss that someone you know may be experiencing. For me, personally, I would highly recommend it. It's not all soul-crushingly depressing, it read like a conversation with a friend, it spoke of uplifting moments, very often made me chuckle, but most of all was a love letter to a son that was never able to come home, but is thought of and remembered so very often.
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