Sunday, June 10/18
The pressure to breastfeed is something that I will be the first to admit is mainly self-induced, at least in my case. I had always intended to exclusively breastfeed for the first 6 months, or until solid foods were introduced but this didn't end up working for me. I thought I'd share my experience, and follow this post with another about how combination feeding is working for me!
ESTABLISHING BREASTFEEDING
If you didn't already know, I delivered my daughter at 37.5 weeks after an induction and 12 hour labour ending finally with an emergency c-section. I breastfed her very briefly in the recovery room with help from my nurse, and when we were taken to the Mother and Baby unit my daughter's blood sugar levels were dropping because she was producing too much insulin. (I am a type 1 diabetic- not gestational) When her sugars were dropping I was told to hand-express colostrum (the first stage of breastmilk- full of important antibodies for baby), and although I wasn't successful a nurse helped me and despite feeling like a cow being milked, we extracted about 10ml's and it was syringe-fed to my baby. At this point I couldn't hold her to feed her very well because my hardcore pain medication as wearing off and things were very sore. She was a 9lb baby and it was decided that she was quite a weight to be held on my abdomen at that stage. About 5 hours after being in the Mother and Baby unit my daughter's blood sugar still hadn't raised to where it should be, so she was taken to the NICU to be supplemented with formula and hooked up to a glucose IV to raise and stabilize her blood sugar levels.
Because she was born in the middle of the night, it worked out that I was very sore for the entire first day of her life. I couldn't walk more than a few steps to a bathroom, or to a wheelchair to take me elsewhere. I honestly don't recall getting to the NICU very much that first day, and I know that I didn't feed her because she was on a strict diet of as much formula as she could drink every 2 hours. On day 2 in the NICU I asked about breastfeeding, and they suggested that she had her formula first to ensure she was getting what she needed (and also so they could measure what she was eating) and then follow up with nursing, but this was quite tricky for a few reasons:
GOING HOME
When we were discharged from the hospital I was given some bottles of formula to keep up our baby's feeding schedule, which at this point was about 30ml's every 3 hours. My milk still wasn't in, so I had no choice but to give her this formula, and honestly I was worried that if I breastfed first I she would eat less formula and I couldn't be certain that she was getting enough food to keep her sugar levels up. This anxiety ensued for quite a few days, and finally when she was 6 days old my boobs leaked! I never thought this would make me so happy. When I realized I was properly producing milk I started to breastfeed a little more, but I still gave little one all the formula she wanted. My county health-unit provided hospital-grade breast pump rentals for a one-time payment of $15 (what!?) and my father-in-law very kindly picked one up for me and brought it over.
PUMP PRESSURE
The breast pump was recommended to me because it would help increase my milk supply and hopefully mean that eventually I could ditch the formula and have my dream of exclusively breastfeeding. My baby was eating every 2-3 hours, and far more formula at each feed than I could pump. It was very discouraging. My nurse told me that the best time to pump was around 4am, so I'd wake up every 2 hours to feed and change the baby, then again at 4am to sit at my kitchen table and attach the double breast pump to me while I sat in silence and thought about how much sleep I used to get. I was encouraged to nurse at every feed, then while she topped off with formula I should pump and save the milk for the next feed. I won't lie to you. I tried my hardest. I could not do it. I felt as though I spent every waking hour of the day with my boob attached to something. I couldn't move using the pump and I felt nervous nursing my baby because I couldn't measure how much she was actually getting. It was all very overwhelming and although I knew I could try harder to do it all, I was sore and exhausted, and when the health unit called and said they had a mother of a 3 day old who was in need of a pump I said I would gladly let her have it, and that I was content with combination feeding. Part of me felt colossal relief as soon as the breast pump left the building (as much as I appreciated it while I had it), and the other part of me just felt incredible guilt for not sticking to it and doing everything I could do exclusively breastfeed.
WHAT I LEARNED
A fed baby is a happy baby. Breast is best- there is no doubt about it, but your personal mental and emotional health is also crucial to caring for your baby so it's not worth all the guilt you feel. I applaud all women who feed and care for their babies no matter how they do it, but after my experience I really do have high regard for the women who do slave away at a breast pump in between nursing a little one and persevere. Looking back, I still feel that twinge of guilt about getting rid of the pump and committing myself to combination feeding, but I also feel that I made the right choice for myself and my baby. I hope it offers even a teeny bit of hope for those of you who are making the decision to keep trying to nurse, who are considering making the switch to formula, or who have decided a combination of the two works best for them! I'll repeat: A fed baby is a happy baby. No matter how you do it.
The pressure to breastfeed is something that I will be the first to admit is mainly self-induced, at least in my case. I had always intended to exclusively breastfeed for the first 6 months, or until solid foods were introduced but this didn't end up working for me. I thought I'd share my experience, and follow this post with another about how combination feeding is working for me!
ESTABLISHING BREASTFEEDING
If you didn't already know, I delivered my daughter at 37.5 weeks after an induction and 12 hour labour ending finally with an emergency c-section. I breastfed her very briefly in the recovery room with help from my nurse, and when we were taken to the Mother and Baby unit my daughter's blood sugar levels were dropping because she was producing too much insulin. (I am a type 1 diabetic- not gestational) When her sugars were dropping I was told to hand-express colostrum (the first stage of breastmilk- full of important antibodies for baby), and although I wasn't successful a nurse helped me and despite feeling like a cow being milked, we extracted about 10ml's and it was syringe-fed to my baby. At this point I couldn't hold her to feed her very well because my hardcore pain medication as wearing off and things were very sore. She was a 9lb baby and it was decided that she was quite a weight to be held on my abdomen at that stage. About 5 hours after being in the Mother and Baby unit my daughter's blood sugar still hadn't raised to where it should be, so she was taken to the NICU to be supplemented with formula and hooked up to a glucose IV to raise and stabilize her blood sugar levels.
Because she was born in the middle of the night, it worked out that I was very sore for the entire first day of her life. I couldn't walk more than a few steps to a bathroom, or to a wheelchair to take me elsewhere. I honestly don't recall getting to the NICU very much that first day, and I know that I didn't feed her because she was on a strict diet of as much formula as she could drink every 2 hours. On day 2 in the NICU I asked about breastfeeding, and they suggested that she had her formula first to ensure she was getting what she needed (and also so they could measure what she was eating) and then follow up with nursing, but this was quite tricky for a few reasons:
a) She was attached to the glucose IV and it meant that she wasn't too easy to maneuver
b) I was still incredibly sore, I couldn't twist much to adjust my position, she had to be handed to me and removed which made latching difficult and overall it was quite painful and uncomfortable
c) My breastmilk hadn't come in just yet, a combination of being diabetic and having a c-section (amongst other things I'm sure- stress?) meant that my milk still hadn't come in by day 5!
d) The nurses in the NICU were fantastic, but because I was separated from my baby I didn't really have the one-on-one time with a nurse to establish breastfeeding and latching so my husband and I sort of had to figure it out ourselves, using knowledge from our prenatal class and Googling frantically.
GOING HOME
When we were discharged from the hospital I was given some bottles of formula to keep up our baby's feeding schedule, which at this point was about 30ml's every 3 hours. My milk still wasn't in, so I had no choice but to give her this formula, and honestly I was worried that if I breastfed first I she would eat less formula and I couldn't be certain that she was getting enough food to keep her sugar levels up. This anxiety ensued for quite a few days, and finally when she was 6 days old my boobs leaked! I never thought this would make me so happy. When I realized I was properly producing milk I started to breastfeed a little more, but I still gave little one all the formula she wanted. My county health-unit provided hospital-grade breast pump rentals for a one-time payment of $15 (what!?) and my father-in-law very kindly picked one up for me and brought it over.
PUMP PRESSURE
The breast pump was recommended to me because it would help increase my milk supply and hopefully mean that eventually I could ditch the formula and have my dream of exclusively breastfeeding. My baby was eating every 2-3 hours, and far more formula at each feed than I could pump. It was very discouraging. My nurse told me that the best time to pump was around 4am, so I'd wake up every 2 hours to feed and change the baby, then again at 4am to sit at my kitchen table and attach the double breast pump to me while I sat in silence and thought about how much sleep I used to get. I was encouraged to nurse at every feed, then while she topped off with formula I should pump and save the milk for the next feed. I won't lie to you. I tried my hardest. I could not do it. I felt as though I spent every waking hour of the day with my boob attached to something. I couldn't move using the pump and I felt nervous nursing my baby because I couldn't measure how much she was actually getting. It was all very overwhelming and although I knew I could try harder to do it all, I was sore and exhausted, and when the health unit called and said they had a mother of a 3 day old who was in need of a pump I said I would gladly let her have it, and that I was content with combination feeding. Part of me felt colossal relief as soon as the breast pump left the building (as much as I appreciated it while I had it), and the other part of me just felt incredible guilt for not sticking to it and doing everything I could do exclusively breastfeed.
WHAT I LEARNED
A fed baby is a happy baby. Breast is best- there is no doubt about it, but your personal mental and emotional health is also crucial to caring for your baby so it's not worth all the guilt you feel. I applaud all women who feed and care for their babies no matter how they do it, but after my experience I really do have high regard for the women who do slave away at a breast pump in between nursing a little one and persevere. Looking back, I still feel that twinge of guilt about getting rid of the pump and committing myself to combination feeding, but I also feel that I made the right choice for myself and my baby. I hope it offers even a teeny bit of hope for those of you who are making the decision to keep trying to nurse, who are considering making the switch to formula, or who have decided a combination of the two works best for them! I'll repeat: A fed baby is a happy baby. No matter how you do it.
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| If you can't breastfeed exclusively, just trick your baby! Works like a charm. |
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