My Experience with Colic

Thursday, June 28/18

Colic is something that I feel is incredibly vague and weird. Is it gas? Is it unconsolable crying? Am I experiencing the Period of Purple Crying? What is going on with my baby?! My daughter as a very newborn baby had no problems whatsoever, and seemed like a relatively calm and content little gal. She was a confident and easy burper (and an especially good farter, all of her baby book comments mention it) so I never really thought she'd ever have any issues with trapped gas or stomach pains.

THE BEGINNING
In my experience, colic got progressively more difficult as time went on. It almost makes it a bit more difficult to diagnose the condition because it sort of stars quite slowly and you just get used to longer fussy periods that your baby is experiencing. Alongside thinking that they may be experiencing growing pains or maybe going through a developmental leap, or perhaps their personality is coming through and they're actually quite fussy and particular, it also seems that medical professionals diagnose colic quite quickly and nonchalantly. From limited research, it seems that 10-40% of babies experience colic, and it typically starts at 6 weeks and ends before 6 months. Personally, the start time was dead on, although maybe my daughter made it to week 7 or 8 before I really noticed a difference in her that I recognized as colic. As far as the end date, I cannot yet be sure. As I write this, she is 12 weeks old and seems to be having quite a rough time. I can only hope it doesn't last until she is 6 months!

Here she is, struggling with the discomfort associated with colic.

WHAT IS IT LIKE TO HAVE AN INFANT WITH COLIC

It sucks. It involves relatively peaceful days (for the most part) where your baby seems happy and rested, and noticeable development is occurring as it should. My baby still smiles and babbles and holds her head up strongly, but as the day moves along things can go downhill pretty quickly. Sometimes the fussing starts as early as midday where she fights napping and gets overtired, sobbing until she has hiccups, gets frustrated at that, and cries even more until the gas pain and colic take over at around 5-6pm. Sometimes, she'll have quite a normal day with a good nap and suddenly at 7pm she won't settle and seems very uncomfortable. On the worst days painful gas wakes her up screaming in the middle of the night, and the crying continues on and off until she finally gives into sleep the following night. The best days often involve no sign of colic at all. It is unfair and unpredictable- or at least it has been in my experience. It affects my baby by discouraging her from falling asleep, usually with gas keeping her awake and uncomfortable until she's exhausted. It generally just makes her quite grumpy and tired (totally understandable) but there are many moments in a day where she is her usual calm, content and happy self.

WHAT IS IT LIKE AS A PARENT

Not as a parent with colic, as a parent to a colicky baby. It also sucks. And I mean really sucks. I constantly feel guilty for not being able to relieve any of the pain and discomfort. My husband has been away from home every Monday-Friday for work ever since the colic began (unrelated I am assured) and being alone with a colicky baby is really quite difficult and tiring. At first I felt quite embarrassed that she was crying so often, and it made me feel as though her discomfort was a reflection on me and my parenting, particularly since I was doing most of it alone. Overtime I've become much more at ease with bringing her out and about knowing that it could kick in at any moment. What I've really struggled with is the guilt I have placed on myself for her even having colic in the first place. I used to be concerned that it was because I bottle feed for the majority of her diet, but with some research discovered colic is evenly diagnosed amongst bottle and breastfed babies. What concerns me now is that it's been 6 weeks and I'm still struggling to find ways to soothe her. 90% of the time it seems she is unconsolable. Along with the sleep deprivation, food deprivation and any additional stress I have about our apartment being a total pigsty, having an infant with colic just made the exhaustion, anxiety and stress that much more difficult. I realize now that many parents with a baby who suffers from colic experience depression, anxiety, stress, exhaustion and it has caused some mothers to give up breastfeeding because she is so tired/stressed/depressed/all-of-the-above. Not only that, but couples also undergo serious rough patches when their baby has colic because of all-of-the-above reasons. Luckily for me my relationship hasn't been affected, although I do occasionally resent him for being away while I struggle at home (despite it not being permanent and an important career move, of which our whole family will benefit- thank you again if you're reading husband!), and perhaps if he was at home more often we would find it more challenging from a relationship perspective. Right now I feel as though him being home more often would relieve much of the exhaustion and anxiety. I also can't say I have struggled much with depression, although there have been some dark days which feel entirely overwhelming. Mostly it's anxiety and guilt that it's my fault she has colic, which even when rationally thought about plagues my mind each and every day she struggles. 

Here she is when she's feeling good! There are always good moments in between the bad!

SOME THINGS THAT WORKED FOR ME

- Swaddle your baby to contain those flailing limbs as they get progressively more stressed and uncomfortable. I find it helps her focus on releasing the gas.

- Soothers! Again, something for her to concentrate on to relieve the gas. It also helps her calm down if she's been crying quite a lot.

- Bouncing, walking, driving- any sort of motion that helps distract your little one. 

- Trying to create a calmer environment to encourage sleep. I set up a corner in my bedroom where it's darker and cooler and all it has is a comfortable chair for me to sit on while I hold her and I can gently bounce her and chat to her in quiet, calm tones. It's a very simple thing, really, but it helps both of us when things get a little out of hand and overwhelming.

I'M NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET- BUT HERE'S SOME ADVICE

Try to take a break from your baby. If you can get out of the house for a couple of hours, or if you can stay home while your baby is away for a few hours, it gives you both a chance to reset and recharge which makes it more bearable to deal with the colic and crying, while also being great for your mental and emotional state. Asking for help is the best colic medicine. I also think that doing your research is wonderful, and knowing that you aren't alone with feeling upset that your baby is struggling, however, if you feel angry and very frustrated when your baby is inconsolable perhaps it would be a good idea to reach out and maybe see your family doctor or healthcare professional. I've not experienced anger towards the situation myself, but I know and totally understand why it does happen. This can be dangerous for you and your baby so reaching out for additional help would be my only advice. Knowing that there's nothing you have done wrong to cause your baby feeling discomfort is a hard pill to swallow sometimes, and I think mother's have a way of blaming themselves for a multitude of things, but it is important to truly understand deep down that there's nothing you did to cause colic, nothing you can certainly do to cure it, and all you can do is wait it out until one day when it goes away and likely never, ever returns. 

I hope this post is somewhat helpful- and if you'd like I'd happily update when my baby gets through this rough period to give some of you a light at the end of the tunnel!